setting boundaries was definitely something I’ve had to learn over the years. I have come to appreciate + love boundaries for myself and absolutely respect + applaud anyone else doing the same. it really is one of the best forms of self care.
To me, having boundaries means that you know when to let people, events + commitments into your life, and more importantly, when to NOT let them into your life. I feel I am doing pretty good conquering boundaries currently in my life, but with everything, there’s always room for improvement. Here are my thoughts + what I do to respect my own boundaries.
+ wait to reply
I used to feel guilty for not replying to text or emails right away. especially when it came to my business. but now I am actually really good at text / email boundaries. unless its something urgent or an emergency, I have time blocks set up during my day in which I will review personal + business messages, then reply or sometimes not reply … and thats ok ! taking time out to reply takes you away from what you are currently doing – whether its working, cooking, creating content or just taking time for yourself.
try waiting to reply when you’re in the right mindset to respond. This helps your peace of mind and also sets up boundaries around when + how you reply. and most importantly, it allows people to know that they can’t expect an immediate response from you – which I think is healthy!
+ be comfortable with saying no
I used to always said yes to so many things + people that did not serve my wellbeing or happiness. and now, my favorite word is no. I actually love to say no. it is so liberating. I am constantly encouraging my mom, friends + even my husband, that its actually ok to say no without the guilt. your time is precious + so very important. if you are not doing the things you love, spending time with people you love, why are you wasting your time? my general thoughts are – if its not a hell yes, then its a fuck no. and trust me, it feels really good to not be doing the things you actually don’t have the time for, or don’t want to do.
of course there are times when you may want to say yes but your schedule does not permit, maybe the timing is bad and it would have been a hell yes at a later date, but for now its a no and thats ok. maybe its a family commitment / event or someone in the family that just doesn’t spark joy for you (as Marie Kondo would say!) and that too is ok. if your whole heart + mind are not in saying yes, then just remember saying no its not a bad thing. you are taking care of yourself and that in itself is a hell yes.
+ use your voice
you will definitely know if I feel like my boundaries are being violated! a few years ago I was constantly getting text messages from clients at all hours – 11pm, 2am, 6am. even though my phone was on silent mode most of the time, and I didn’t see the messages until morning, it still was a boundary I had to fix for myself. would I message a client at that time? absolutely not. so why is it ok for them to message me and expect a reply asap. after setting specific boundaries for work, it was as easy as that. you just need to voice how you feel. most people don’t even know they are crossing a boundary because there was no boundary to begin with.
some boundaries of course as more sensitive, like family + friends. these may need more of an explanation as to why you are requesting these boundaries … and things things probably weird (I know from experience!) but in the end, most of these conversations are never as bad as we imagine in our head. be assertive + always be kind. in the end, if they don’t understand, then that’s ok. that’s on them.
+ spend time by yourself
There’s something about being by yourself for even 30 minutes that can seriously help – both mentally + physically. get in that alone time – maybe this looks like walk outside with your favorite podcast / music or silence. it could be a face mask + a book or glass of wine, a long hot bath, a workout. whatever is it you need, schedule it in like a meeting … and don’t cancel on yourself!
I’d love to what you do to set better boundaries + the things you are working on for yourself. Leave me a comment below. xx